Don’t Be This Jerkface, Sucktastic Maine Neighbor This Weekend

Maine Fireworks

For the rest of this week (and, in essence, probably since this week began and even beforehand), scheduled fireworks shows have been planned all throughout Maine, from Kittery to Old Orchard Beach and beyond, to celebrate the 4th of July.

NH Fireworks

The same can also be said for various planned fireworks displays throughout the Granite State, from Canobie Lake Park and Hampton Beach to the Lakes Region and the White Mountains, and beyond.

Enjoy them. Go with your friends. Bring the family. Live your best, free, patriotic, grand finale fireworks display lives.

But I'm just here to say one simple thing -- don't be a donkeyberry d-bag neighbor for the rest of this week.

July 4th Fireworks

Fireworks are a blast (no pun intended.) They're fun, they're invigorating, they bring on an adrenaline rush, and the way they light up the night sky is not only beautiful but also artistic -- especially if they're synced up to a soundtrack.

But it's when some beer-fueled buffoon decides it'll be a brilliant idea to go grab some fireworks and randomly set them off in some stereotypical redneck ridiculous way when the situation goes from fun and fantastic to 'forked' up and go over like a wet fart.

Because as much as I'm sounding like a real 'get off my lawn' guy right now, you be the one sitting next to a terrified dog that's shaking out of fear so much that you consider whether or not they could create enough vibration to be registered on the Richter scale.

Better yet, you be the one in the same room as a veteran who risked their life for our freedom, and as a 'thank you' gift from the universe, is left with PTSD that can easily be triggered by the sound of fireworks going off.

Because here's the thing -- when you know about a scheduled fireworks show, no matter how big or small, you can adapt to that. Drown out the noise beforehand or leave the area all together.

But it's that unexpected shooting off of firecrackers or whatever random purchase made that you can't plan for or adapt to ahead of time. And look, I'm not saying don't buy fireworks and don't shoot them off -- I said it earlier, live your best damn life.

What I am saying, though -- or asking, or suggesting, sarcastic headline for this article aside -- is if you're going to light off fireworks in your neighborhood, just give some sort of heads up.

Post about it on the nextdoor app, or on Facebook, or find some way to give a heads up, that way people can at least try and prepare to keep people or animals triggered by the sound of fireworks as safe and calm as possible.

Because trust me, I get it, I love fireworks. But I love even more not looking at my dog, near-violently shaking, worrying that he could get so panicked that he works himself into a heart attack.