Is Eating Margarine the Fastest Path to a Messy Divorce In Maine?

Yeah, you actually read that right the first time.

It seems impossible, right? That somehow the divorce rate in Maine directly correlates to the number of people eating margarine in Maine? Yet, here we are in the upside-down. All that's possible is now impossible, and all that's impossible is now possible.

I thought it was a joke when I first read about it on Reddit. And it probably still is a joke in its own way, but it does seem like the numbers don't lie. So what lies beneath all this? How could two things so seemingly unrelated, come together in such eerie sameness?

Let's start with the obvious...

Margarine is gross. We may have eaten it when I was a kid, and guess what? My parents were divorced. As I got older, I got tired of the way that margarine made my toast soggy. Like, as soon as you put it on there, it just turned my toast into a handheld toast milkshake.... except with absolutely no dairy in it at all.

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If I think about it right now, if my wife all of a sudden switched us out to margarine full-time, I might actually consider filing for divorce. So is that the ticket? Is it the lack of real butter? Or maybe someone else's soggy, wet I-can't-believe-it's-not-toast finally drove them over the edge.

But, the numbers don't lie.

Between 2000 and 2009, the two sets of numbers are nearly identical. However, if you look at the graph, you'll see two important things. 1) The rate of margarine usage went down. 2) The divorce also took a big dip. So not only did people manage to stay together more consistently, people stopped eating that crap fake butter.

My advice to you is that if you're having any problems with your marriage right now, go look in the fridge. If you see that stupid little tan tub of solid vegetable oil, throw it out and run to Hannaford's immediately. Go there and simply empty the butter aisle. Grab salted, unsalted, name brand, generic... buy it all. Then go home, look at your spouse, and just apologize for whatever you need to.

IF YOU'RE YOUNG, HANDY, AND AMBITIOUS, YOU COULD BUY ONE OF THESE INEXPENSIVE HOUSES PRETTY EASILY AND FIX IT RIGHT UP...