Alright, people. S*%& is getting real. Thanks to the lack of a winner last night, the Mega Millions jackpot is now at a record-high 868 MILLION dollars, the highest prize the game has ever reached and the third-highest jackpot in United States history, according to CBS news.

The jackpot hasn't been emptied since July, and each time there isn't a winning ticket, the total skyrockets with a surge of new buyers wanting to get in on the game.

So what would you do if you were to win? Personally, I think I would freeze up, panic, and continue life as usual in denial for a little bit. It's like looking at a menu where everything is deliciously appealing; it paralyzes you! You sit there staring at the pages, mouth watering, not knowing what to do. Just me? Alright, well here are some 'totally Maine' things to start your engines on jackpot potential (and you know, if you happen to beat the 1 in 258.9 million odds and win, throw this sister a bone would ya?)

1) Buy An Island Off the Coast of Maine

There are tons of islands up for grabs if you're rich enough. There's even an island to fit any multi-millionaire budget, from the humble Tsuga Island for 1.25 million (pocket change) to Cousins Island complete with its 5200 square foot mansion for a price "available upon request" (spoiler alert - if you have to ask, you can't afford it.)

2) Hire Private Year-Round Snowplowing Service

From just a little research, it looks like you can hire snowplow service around these parts for $75-$95/hr, meaning daily personal snowplow service from November through April would only be about $76,000. A drop in the donation bucket with your jackpot lifestyle. Why not expand the same service to all your neighbors, friends, and extended family? you're still only scratching the surface of your wealth!

3) Catered Dinner Every Night By A Different Portland Restaurant

...Not even the affordable ones. We're talkin' fancy-ass foodie places only cruise ship tourists, Falmouth Foreside residents, and Cape Elizabeth mansion types frequent. The restaurants where tables don't split tabs and they assume you want sparkling water. That's right, *we rich now*.

4) Buy a Condo at Every Ski Resort

...Plus new skis to keep in every one. And a helicopter to cart you to and from the mountains. Oh, and a helipad on the roof of your condos for door-side helicopter drop-off.

5) IDK, Buy a Lighthouse? 

Or build one! DIY that crap! Make it out of whatever you want because you're rich and you call the shots. Buy a peninsula and make a rave out of the night sky for all fishermen's confusion.

Honestly, I can't begin to fathom how much money $868 MILLION even is. All of the above items are probably still under $100 million... and then you still have over 7 times that remaining. All I can say is I hope the winner lives in Maine and I hope they're a fan of the Q cause Mama could use a little bonus for the holidays.

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