NY Post Columnist Pokes Fun at Maine for Having Fat Asses and No Fashion
It's entirely possible that by the time you read this, you've already laid your eyes on longtime NY Post gossiper Cindy Adams' latest column about her monumental trip to Maine. If you haven't journeyed into that article, prepare yourself for the print version of someone who thinks they're super funny at a party while everyone just can't wait for them to leave. Her column is clearly written on a 1st grade level, and while it would be safe to say it's a pile of word vomit, it really reads more like a word fart that dusted a page and the NY Post printed it.
Cindy Adams Visited Maine and Noticed Many People Have Fat Asses
Forget the stunning ocean views, award-winning restaurants, cozy inns, and sterling beaches. Cindy Adams came to Maine and noticed a lot of people in the Pine Tree State have ample behinds. She wrote:
"Locals who behinds overlap the state of Texasall stuffed into shorts. Realtors could establish an entire campsite on the average ass"
That's awfully rich coming from someone who turned from a Princess Leia lookalike into the bride of Frankenstein. Low brow insults aside, Adams observation remains a peculiar one considered there are plenty of large butts in shorts walking through New York City on a daily basis. Sorry Cin, that fat ass in Maine is sponsored by Allen's Coffee Brandy and nobody is upset about it.
Cindy Adams Thinks Maine Has Nowhere to Shop and the Fashion Here Sucks
Adams continued taking aim at Maine by mentioning that Kennebunkport, Bar Harbor, Ogunquit, Freeport, Eastport, and Portland all have no fashion and no place for someone of her elegance to shop. She wrote:
"L.L Bean jeans, drawers, plaid shirts, crappy sweaters, sweats, sneakers and backpacks are considered black tie"
Apparently if you're not wearing white on white or red on red or holding a pair of chihuahuas like they're accessories and not living, breathing creatures, you're just another peasant Ms. Adams has to put up with. Oh, and "drawers" Cin, my great-grandmother wants her terminology back. What's next? Are you going to tell me my dungarees aren't cool too?
Cindy Adams Invented a New Part of Maine, 'Downcoast'
As Cindy Adams flailed through her humor column that lacked anything funny in it, she did manage to invent a new word. She wrote:
"Downcoast locally means 'far north'. 'Upcoast' means northeast. 'The city' equals Portland. Congestion is two vehicles in opposite directions trying to avoid a moose."
That Cindy Adams knows how to crack a joke, am I right? Had me in tears with that little blurb. Because, what the f*** is 'downcoast'? Did you mean Downeast, Cindy? There's an entire magazine named after it. We understand Cindy was born when people still wore powdered wigs, but can someone teach her how to Google? Please?
One thing is certain. Cindy Adams just single-handedly made people from Massachusetts seem like a litter of lovable, bright-eyed puppies to the people of Maine. Enjoy your sewer rats, Cin. Good riddance.