Suddenly, Portland, Maine finds themselves in a rivalry between two professional soccer teams on the west coast. The Seattle Sounders Football Club, who are part of Major League Soccer, dedicated an entire page of their website to touting Portland, Maine as the superior Portland in the United States of America.

Credit: Seattle Sounders FC
Credit: Seattle Sounders FC

Shared on Reddit by chiddie, spend a few minutes and go through an amazing webpage of history, fun facts, and pure propaganda as to why Portland, Maine is so much better than Portland, Oregon. In the event you're too busy to dig deeper, here are some of the real highlights.

  • Portland, Maine is nestled on a scenic harbor...Portland, Oregon is nestled on a polluted river. Burn.
  • Portland, Maine is famous for delicious red lobsters. Portland, Oregon is inundated with large swamp rats.
  • Portland, Maine has a 56% chance of sunshine...Portland, Oregon only has a 52% of sunshine.
  • Roger Levesque, a Falmouth native, was born in Portland, Maine. Levesque now resides in the heads of the soccer fans who live in Portland, Oregon. Beautiful.

The webpage also includes an 8 second recorded message from Portland Mayor Ethan Strimling professing his love for the Seattle Sounders. Well played Seattle, well played.

Unfortunately for the Seattle Sounders, they are off to the worst start in franchise history. So perhaps any hype they can add to a game is needed at this point. Seattle Sounders versus Portland Timbers on June 30th. Giddy up!

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