To The Woman That Crop Dusted Me At Target in South Portland

To The Woman Who Crop Dusted Me At Target in South Portland-

I left work today realizing I needed a few things. Everything I needed I could get a Target, plus, Target will often tell me of things I need. So away I went.

I found myself in the back of the store with the Christmas items and spotted the Christmas cards. I had been toying with the idea of sending them out this year, something I don't typically do, and I figured I'd grab a pack.

I'm quite indecisive with these things and there were quite a few to choose from. Eventually, I was squatted down looking at the larger packs on the bottom shelf. I proceeded to pick them up and see which package had the best patterns.

It was at that point I sensed someone come up next to me looking at cards as well. Up and to the left of me. No big deal.

Then your cart got closer. Honestly, I could have grabbed it to help me get back up if need be. You were closing in on me. In fairness, my indecisiveness was keeping me there a bit.

Then your cart was behind me, you next to me, and all of a sudden I'm surrounded by pure stench, courtesy of whatever had crawled up inside of you and died.

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The disgusted face I was making under my mask.

Still, you were there, just as I was, searching for some Christmas cards.

I feel I should point out here that I was indeed wearing a mask. No amount of protective face coverings could have saved me from the foul odor that emitted from your behind.

I figured that was the time to settle on my cards and get out of there.

I walked past you briskly, unfortunately creating a stink vortex that followed me into the grocery aisles. Those passing by surely thought 'twas I who dealt it.

Ma'am, please understand that I'm aware that everyone lets one escape in public now and again. Sometimes it just happens. We're all guilty of it and if someone denies it, they're lying. We all get that little bead of sweat when trouble is brewing in the guttural region. A choice must be made. Sometimes its made for you.

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I just ask, maybe next time, let your fart flag fly down an empty aisle while you're on the move? Not stagnant next to another person. And certainly not next to someone, like me, who was squatting at derriere height.

I appreciate the future consideration,
B